I was recently watching the tube when a commercial for a depression medication came on. Abilify (Aripiprazole), as it’s advertised. My first thought upon hearing the possible side effects was something along the lines of, let me see, what was it? Oh yes, now I recall, it was HOLY SHIT! The list was seemingly eternal. The potential side effects were exponentially worse than going through the actual depression. On www.webmd.com, there is a detailed overview. The first category is labeled Who should not take Abilify Oral? People that have any of the following:
Alzheimer’s Disease, Abnormal Movements of Face Muscles and Tongue, Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome, Metabolic Syndrome X, Dementia in an Elderly Person, Heart Attack, Disease of Inadequate Blood Flow to the Heart Muscle, Abnormal Heart Rhythm, Chronic Heart Failure, Any Disorder of the Blood Vessels of the Brain, Blood Pressure Drop Upon Standing, Abnormally Low Blood Pressure, Seizures, Weight Gain, High Blood Sugar, Susceptible to Breathing Fluid Into Lungs, A Mother who is Producing Milk and Breastfeeding, Problems with Food Passing Through the Esophagus, Diabetes, High Amount of Fats in the Blood, Overweight, Deficiency of Granulocytes a Type of White Blood Cell, Decreased White Blood Cells, Decreased Neutrophils a Type of White Blood Cell, Confused, Having Thoughts of Suicide
The one that bothers me the most is Confused. They just slipped that in. I’m thinking Confused could be lumped in with Alzheimer’s and Dementia. Otherwise, if you are Confused, do not take it. This confuses me. If you too are confused, please join me in not taking it. Thank you. For those who are not confused but still depressed, you are cleared to move into the potential benefits available in the prescription zone. Under Uses, it states: This medication can decrease hallucinations and improve your concentration. It helps you to think more clearly and positively about yourself, feel less nervous, and take a more active part in everyday life. Aripiprazole can treat severe mood swings and prevent or decrease how often mood swings occur.
You may have hallucinations, so now there is a good chance they will be reduced. Stoner Joe sez: “Man, I was like, tripping all the time, flashback city, but now, since I’ve been taking Abilify, it only happens when I watch The Big Bang Theory”. I’m still confused (and thankfully not taking Abilify) about mood swings. Doesn’t everyone experience those? Are there people that go through their entire life in a good mood, and never waver? I’m sure confusion and mood swings are not only limited to women with PMS (if there is one in your life make sure she is unarmed and take away her gun when she’s sleeping).
I can’t imagine life as a sleepy and constipated vomit bag, drooling over a bowl of Rice Krispies and unable to read the paper (sounds like a relative I know). I’m fairly certain this state can be obtained for free. Might be time to revisit the spam email folder, buy some contraband sex-aid pills and “plane the peniz”.